


Why, Tadashi?

by fantasea_me



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Tsukki is a dick, Yamaguchi is an angel, he makes fun of Yamaguchi's freckles awh, i guess?, slight bullying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 19:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3086420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasea_me/pseuds/fantasea_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima had always figured that Yamaguchi was the one who needed him.</p><p>(Basically, the fic where Tsukishima's shit gets called out)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Catalyst

Tsukishima had always thought that Yamaguchi was the one who needed him. 

He certainly had all throughout their childhood, when bullies ran rampant and neither of their skins were as thick as they were now. Tsukishima was fine; he had a cool older brother and was tall enough to intimidate and wise enough to hide his dorkier side. (One word: dinosaurs.) 

But Yamaguchi? He was definitely a target. 

They poked fun at his freckles, his flyaway hairs, his voice. They imitated the way he called after Tsukishima constantly, throwing their hands out like babies who needed coddling, calling "Tsuuuuuki!" in the highest voices they could muster before collapsing into laughter. 

That was what first made him notice Yamaguchi, actually. Some children yell when they're bullied. Some pick a fight; Others burst into tears. Yamaguchi did none of that. He read at his desk, eyes downcast, and it would be easy for someone merely glancing around to miss his clenched fist, the tears sparkling in his big eyes. 

Tsukishima didn't glance, however. It was always a piercing stare, meant to intimidate and distance the majority of his peers. Yamaguchi never looked away, however. Perhaps he was just used to glares. 

That was what made him speak up against the bullies, that first day. A simple "Hey, leave him alone." had sufficed. He expected some thanks. He didn't expect for the fool to come bumbling up, standing shyly in front of him and looking at the ground. He was missing his front teeth, so when he said "Thank you, Tsukishima." it came out more like "Thank you, Thukithima." 

He'd turned bright red and apologized for messing up his name, but Tsukishima hadn't minded. Honestly, he found the other boy fascinating. That was why he'd found himself saying those words. 

"I bet if you stick close to me for a few more days they won't bother you." 

Yamaguchi's face had lit up like a sun, and the sheer brightness of it frightened Tsukishima. Naturally, he had to say something to tone it down. 

"Also, call me something easier to say than Tsukishima. Your lisp is annoying."

"O-okay." Yamaguchi had grinned, walking beside him. 

"You can call me Tadashi, if you want." He'd offered shyly. 

"No thanks." Tsukishima replied. "I prefer Yamaguchi." 

The "days" by Tsukishima's side turned into years, and everything else seemed to change except for what they called each other. They were obviously on a first name basis, but for some odd reason Tsukishima could never make himself say "Tadashi." 

Anyone else would have dropped the habit of childish nicknames as soon as they hit middle school, but not Yamaguchi. His teeth had grown in, yes, but to this day he always called Tsukishima "Tsukki." Any snickers at the childish nickname were quickly silenced by Tsukishima's glare. 

Tsukishima had shot up like a weed, growing colder and more distant to all but Yamaguchi. He was his constant companion; neither of them had anything to hide from the other. He'd given up on that the second his dinosaur collection had toppled from its hiding place in his closet. 

Even when everything with Akiteru happened, Yamaguchi was there. Tsukishima didn't deserve him to be; he'd swung out in rage and pain against everthing anyone did, like a dying animal hellbent on taking all around him down with it. This habit had dyed down, of course, but the ember was still there. That basic urge to hurt with his words like he never could with his fists, to distance and claw his way from everyone. Any trust he had was bottled up and given to Yamaguchi. 

Because even after all these years, Yamaguchi still needed him.

And now Tsukishima had lost him. 

He thought back to the beginning of the whole affair, only days ago.  
~*~  


"Tsukki, have you seen my-" 

"Under the bed." Tsukishima said, never even looking up from his game. Yamaguchi laughed. 

"Ah, yep. Thanks, Tsukki."

"Can we go now? I don't want to be late like last time." 

"I'm sorry, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, wringing his hands. "I was sick, and had to pick up some antibiotics from the store." 

Tsukishima frowned. 

"How much medicine did they give you?" 

"Two weeks worth. Why?" 

"Did you take any today?" 

"Yes." Yamaguchi nodded, smiling at Tsukishima. 

"Tsukki gets so worried." 

"I'm not worried." Tsukishima grunted, lifting his bag onto his shoulder. "Let's just go."

They made it to the gym in time for morning practice, although Tsukishima really wouldn't have minded being late. The other first years were here, after all. 

Hinata and Kageyama. The two biggest idiots on the team, if you didn't count the slightly terrifying Nishinoya and Tanaka. 

The two morons were currently wrestling on the floor, Kageyama with Hinata in a headlock on the ground, demanding "Apologize, idiot!" 

"No!" Hinata squealed. 

"Yes!" 

"Nooooo!" 

"Yes!" 

Tsukishima already had a headache. 

"Oi, loudmouths." He said, and they both shut up and looked at him. 

"If you want to embrace each other on the floor, do it on your own time, in private." 

Yamaguchi snorted, and Kageyama and Hinata both jumped up with red faces, screaming "It's not like that!" before stomping off to practice spikes. 

"Let's do receives." Tsukishima said, already grabbing a ball and turning around. Yamaguchi hopped from one foot to the other, looking guilty. 

"Actually, Tsukki, I'm practicing my serves today with Suga senpai. After I get twenty in a row, I'll practice with you."

Tsukishima felt the whole thing as if it was happening from far away. Yamaguchi always practiced receives with him in the morning. Always. 

He heard himself start to speak. 

"Tch. As if you'd ever be able to serve twenty in a row in a game." 

Dammit. Why had he said that? Yamaguchi always bounced back from his cruel comments, of course, but too many in a row made him quiet. A quiet Yamaguchi did very little to distract Tsukishima. 

He looked down at Yamaguchi's face. Something flickered across it, something sad and deep, but it was gone as quick as it came. That hadn't actually hurt Yamaguchi, had it? 

He didn't get his answer, since Yamaguchi spun on his heel and marched to Sugawara, face hidden from view. Tsukishima was left spiking against a wall until he felt his friend tap his shoulder, ready to pass. 

It seemed to take longer than usual.  
~*~  
Lunch wasn't that much better. His classmates were annoying, and the headache from this morning had returned. Yamaguchi had skipped up to his desk, holding his lunch. Tsukishima scooted his chair back, not caring about the scraping sound despite the way it made his skull ache. 

"We're eating outside today." He said simply, leaving the (for once) silent classroom without waiting for Yamaguchi. It took him a while to exit, and when he did it was minutes before he looked Tsukishima in the face 

"What took you so long?" 

"Some people just wanted to talk, Tsukki. That's all."

"To you? Why?" 

That same foreign expression danced across Yamaguchi's face. 

"I don't know." 

Tsukishima glanced up at the door just in time to see a face ducking down out of sight. 

It made his stomach twist in a strange way. 

They didn't talk for the rest of their lunch period. 

He tried not to linger on what it could mean.  
~*~  
They walked home together, like always. He'd drop Yamaguchi off at his house, walk to rest of the way with his headphones around his ears, and they'd repeat it the next day. 

That particular day, however, was a Monday. And Monday's meant one of his favorite things in the world. 

"Here you go, Tsukki." Yamaguchi said happily, setting the strawberry shortcake down and taking a seat across from his friend. Yamaguchi's father and the owner of the bakery were old friends who met up for drinks every Sunday, and every Sunday his father brought home two coupons for free strawberry shortcake. 

"For that friend of yours." He always said, even when Tsukishima was standing right there. 

Whatever odd thing has happened between them at lunch seemed to be gone, so he ate the food in silence as he always did, with the strawberries first and the cream second. 

A sudden snicker from the other side of the table interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up. 

"What?" He asked bluntly, and Yamaguchi smiled. 

"Tsukki, you've got cream on your nose." 

He grimaced and wiped it off, but the smile didn't leave Yamaguchi's face. Tsukishima couldn't shake the odd feeling that he was being laughed at. 

"Shut up, Yamaguchi." He snapped, and that same damn expression was back, so hard to read and so quick to go. 

The next thing he knew, Yamaguchi had pushed his chair back and left.  
~*~  
Yamaguchi seemed fine the next day, and Tsukishima had to wonder if maybe yesterday had just been a fluke. 

No one spoke to him in class that day, but he didn't really care. He wouldn't have even noticed if it hadn't been for the fact that several students had been talking to Yamaguchi when he walked in, but stopped as soon as he got near. 

Probably nothing. 

It was getting harder to say that and believe it. 

At lunchtime Yamaguchi had bounded up to him like always, making meaningless chatter as they ate, which Tsukishima barely listened to.

He didn't apologize for leaving without an explanation yesterday, like he normally would. Tsukishima tried not to let that phase him. He never apologized for being an ass, after all. Still, after years of the same old thing, it was a bit off-putting. 

"-right, Tsukki?" 

"Huh?" He grunted, pulled out of his thoughts and pushing his glasses up. 

"Do you agree?"

"I wasn't listening." He said bluntly, just like he'd been doing for years. He'd never been one to checkmark his sometimes brutal honesty around his friend. 

Yamaguchi closed his eyes for a long time, jaw clenched, and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he stared at Tsukishima with burning intensity, unlike any expression he'd ever seen before. 

But then it was gone, draining from his body like water, and it was like it never happened. He didn't mention it, so neither did Tsukishima.  
~*~  
Afternoon practice was loud and aggravating as usual. 

Close to the end, Nishinoya and Hinata had hopped on the back of their respective tall partners (Kageyama and Asahi) and were demanding a piggyback race of epic proportions. Instead of intervening and stopping the whole mess, like Daichi seemed about to do, Suga had laughed and jumped on Daichi's back, commanding him to "beat these small children in such a shameful way they will never recover!" 

Daichi didn't argue. 

Ennoshita was standing to the side, laughing and about to yell go, when-  
"Oi, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima! You gonna race?" 

Tsukishima felt an elbow in his side. 

Yamaguchi's eyes were wide and hopeful, his grin wide as he waited for Tsukishima's answer. He liked that smile, and was willing to say yes for it, but doubted his ability to carry Yamaguchi that far. Dropping him or -God forbid- falling would result in teasing and unnecessary conversations with the rest of the team, so he concluded that the risks clearly outweighed the gains. Still, Yamaguchi's smile stuck in his head. 

"No." 

His friend's face fell, and Tsukishima felt a split second of regret. 

"Yo, Yamaguchi! Come get on Tanaka's back!" Nishinoya yelled, nearly strangling poor Asahi. 

"Yeah, Tadashi! Come play!" Yachi called happily, legs around Kiyoko's waist, looking like she was about to faint from happiness. 

"O-okay." 

Yamaguchi walked to the rest of them. He didn't look back. 

Tsukishima put his headphones on and pretended it didn't bother him.  
~*~

"Akiteru's in town tonight." He said as they were walking home. 

"If you want to come over for dinner and keep me from strangling him, that would be helpful." 

"Okay." Yamaguchi responded. It was his first word since they left the gym. 

When they got to his house, Tsukishima Akiteru was already there. In fact, he answered the door. 

"Little brother! Tadashi!" He cried, sweeping them both into a huge hug. 

Tsukishima had escaped as soon as he could, running to his room, but Yamaguchi didn't follow at first. He pretended he didn't care. 

Dinner was a silent affair on Tsukishima's part, but only because Akiteru kept slipping dinosaurs into every possible conversation for stupid puns, regardless of Tsukishima's hard under table kicks. 

He scratched his fork a little too loud after the "Want some pepper to put on the TRICERATOP of your food, dad?" 

Yamaguchi had snickered; that was what registered in his mind first. 

"Akiteru! Don't poke fun at Kei's hobbies!" Their mother scolded, and Tsukishima could feel his face getting hot. 

He was glad when they were excused, as his parents were going out, to give Yamaguchi, Akiteru, and himself some "time together." 

Without waiting for Yamaguchi, he'd slammed the door to his room and sat on his bed with his headphones on, pretending like he couldn't hear the doorknob jiggling, or Yamaguchi's tired "Tsukki!" 

He did hear Akiteru murmuring, though. 

Silently, he removed his headphones and pressed his ear against the door. 

"-treat you like that!" He recognized that as Akiteru's voice. 

"...been like this for years....never really noticed until...." That was Yamaguchi, for sure. 

He walked away from the door when he heard his brother say  
"Why, Tadashi?", acting as if the statement didn't bother him. He unlocked the door and put on his headphones, facing away from the door. 

It was a long time before Yamaguchi knocked, and when he did, he did it so loudly that Tsukishima removed his headphones and asked "What?" 

"You locked me out." 

"Just go home. I can handle Akiteru from here." 

"I need my backpack." 

"I'll bring it to you tomorrow." 

"I have homework, Tsukki." Yamaguchi said, lightly tapping on the door, and to Tsukishima his voice sounded just a little bit resigned.

"....How much?" 

"DAMMIT, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi cried, banging on the door so suddenly and forcefully that Tsukishima fell back. 

"Let me IN!" 

He did, struggling to regain his composure at Yamaguchi's face. 

Yes, Tsukishima had seen many expressions from Yamaguchi. Adoration, envy, and sometimes a little sadness. 

But anger? 

Never. 

Yet he was seeing it now, as his best friend stood before him, all brown eyes and rage and even his freckles seemed sharper than usual, as if his very being was currently sharpening under his own anger. 

Yamaguchi's eyes flickered to Tsukishima's mirror, and stuck there, searching and glancing for so long that it seemed that even Yamaguchi wasn't used to seeing Yamaguchi angry. 

Tsukishima felt annoyed. He came in here stomping so high and mighty, then didn't say anything? Did he have any idea what his very presence was doing to Tsukishima's brain? 

"Oi, quit staring at your stupid freckles and tell me what's bothering you." 

Yamaguchi flinched, and Tsukishima recognized that expression from the day before. 

Hurt. 

"Take that back." Yamaguchi said, all steel and sharp edges and even if Tsukishima was a touchy person, he wouldn't have dared tried to hug his friend in that moment. 

"Take what back?" He demanded, wildly trying to quell the fear that rose in his being at the sight before him. 

His statement seemed to give Yamaguchi the power to rise up even taller, and it definitely gave him the power he needed to shout. 

"EVERYTHING, TSUKISHIMA!" He yelled, the sound so startling and out of place. 

"EVERYTHING! All your hurtful comments about my freckles and my serves and our teammates! All your commands you throw at me like some lapdog you can tell what to do! Take them BACK!" 

"Why should I?" Tsukishima fired back, all rational statements flying out of his brain, leaving his old standby. 

Anger, plain and simple. 

"Why should I take it back, when you've let me do it all my life? Even when we were children you still followed my every order, even the ones I didn't give you! All because you couldn't defend yourself against a few bullies! Should we even call them that, Yamaguchi? They never hurt you, just imitated you. That wasn't lying; everything they did was spot on and you know it. Is that why you didn't fight back? Because you knew it was true?" 

He expected Yamaguchi to back down at that point. He usually did, even if no past outburst even compared to this one. 

But he didn't, although he did flinch. He clenched his fists and kept yelling. 

"Why should you stop, Tsukishima? Maybe because, if you hadn't noticed, no one in our class talks to you! They all hate you! Do you want to know what we were talking about yesterday, before you came in? They were asking me why I was still your friend. Why did I let you treat me like some dog? That was all that they asked! 'Why, Tadashi?'" Yamaguchi laughed then, low and menacing, and there was no hint of the shy, sweet boy he'd known for so many years. 

"I know I don't seem like it, but I do have some pride. And you ordering me around, putting me down in front of other people so much that it CONCERNS them? That hurt it. So why should you change, Tsukishima? Is it because your classmates think you're mean and rude? Is it because at least half of our team has asked me if I need any help getting you to stop walking all over me? Is it because only minutes ago, your own BROTHER told me that I deserve better than you?" Yamaguchi panted, and Tsukishima blinked. 

Akiteru had- never mind. He'd think about that later. 

"Yamaguchi-" 

"AND ANOTHER THING!" Yamaguchi interrupted. 

"We've been friends for nearly eight years, Tsukishima! Eight years. And never once have you called me by my first name. Your brother calls me by my first name. YACHI calls me by my first name. After eight years, I should be Tadashi. Even our teammates, who haven't even known me a year, call me Tadashi." 

"W-who cares about our teammates? They're juvenile and stupid." He blurted, backing up a few steps and trying (and failing) to regain his composure. 

Yamaguchi snorted, a harsh and ugly sound as he shouldered his backpack. 

"Don't talk to me until you're ready to apologize." He spat, stomping out the door. 

Tsukishima was left alone, panting. 

"Oh, and Tsukishima?" 

His head shot up, looking at Yamaguchi, still so full of anger. 

"Where do you get off calling someone juvenile? You collect plastic dinosaurs." 

With that final comment, Yamaguchi was gone, completely unaware of the shattered mess he'd left behind.


	2. Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the catalyst comes the reaction, and it's almost always worse.

That night was, in a word, torture. Tsukishima had been up all night, tossing and turning, his traitorous mind replaying Yamaguchi's face over and over. 

Not just the raw anger at the end, either. The hurt that had flickered across his best friend's face-not just once but five times- made his own chest tighten uncomfortably. Why hadn't he noticed? If he was being totally honest, Tsukishima was well aware of the fact that he was an asshole with no filter. He'd just always thought that Yamaguchi was aware of it as well. 

"Who are you kidding, Tsukishima? Your own brother told him he deserved better." He murmured into the night, mimicking the words that had been flung at him only a few hours earlier. He knew (but refused to admit) that the word had hurt so much because they were true. 

He hated moping. It wasn't like him at all. Wallowing in pity, replaying the same scenarios over and over? That was what losers did. That was what emotional wrecks did. Hell, that was especially what jilted lovers did. 

He kind of felt like a combination of all three. 

Wait, what?

Okay, the loser and emotional wreck theories had their merits. But jilted lover? He shook his head of the odd thought and rolled back over. 

Yamaguchi angry was such an odd sight. He'd always been more prone to tears; Tsukishima couldn't count all the times he'd seen Yamaguchi cry, usually over something that didn't deserve it.   
(Movies or games or books or a bully) 

He may be apparently inept at sensing a lot of things about Yamaguchi, but signs that he was crying was something Tsukishima could do blindfolded. He still clenched his fists and jaw, just like in grade school. He still cried more BECAUSE he was crying, as if the tears were a sign of weakness. 

Tsukishima looked at his closet, where he knew his collection of dinosaurs rested on the top shelf. He'd had it since he was a child; buying a new figure whenever he saw it was a habit he had yet to grow from. It had always been his biggest secret, kept from everyone except his family and Yamaguchi. Call Tsukishima insane, but the fact that Yamaguchi had brought it up as ammunition against him in their fight hurt. Years, they'd been friends. It had taken Tsukishima about three of those years to realize that Yamaguchi wasn't going to tease him like Akiteru. In fact, Yamaguchi always seemed genuinely curious, always asking questions and smiling. It made Tsukishima's chest hurt thinking about it. 

They'd never hidden anything from each other before. Secrets just didn't work in their friendship; Yamaguchi was too flighty and Tsukishima was all too knowledgable about his quirks. The only awkward secret between them had occurred when Akiteru had wandered into Tsukishima's room shirtless when they were twelve, asking when dinner would be ready. Tsukishima hadn't even looked up as he replied, but he knew Yamaguchi had been staring. 

He realized Yamaguchi had never talked about liking girls before. 

Yamaguchi had denied looking at all, which annoyed him. Still, over the course of the next few hours, he managed to slip several hints that he was okay with whatever Yamaguchi's sexuality was into conversation, as long as he wasn't going to pursue a romantic relationship with Akiteru. They'd never talked about it again, but Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi was grateful he hadn't told anyone. 

Don't talk to me until you're ready to apologize, that was what he had said. 

What if Tsukishima couldn't find the words?   
~*~  
Yamaguchi was a mess at school the next day. His hair and face felt greasy, since he hadn't had time to shower that morning or the night before, wound up as he was from his fight with Tsukki. 

'Tsukishima!' He reminded himself. 'Not Tsukki. Not until he apologizes.' 

He'd ran to school as early as possible, to avoid Tsukishima. Luckily, he didn't show up to morning practice. Yamaguchi had been glad; it gave him to clear his head. 

It didn't help, of course. The other teammates saw through him in an instant, especially Suga. 

"Tadashi, can we talk?" The back up setter asked gently, and Yamaguchi jumped about five feet in the air. 

"I-I suppose."

Suga smiled gently and sat them both down on the bench in the locker room, waiting until the rest of the team left. 

"Did something happen with Kei last night? You seem distraught, and he's not here, so I just assumed you fought."

"Well....yeah." Yamaguchi admitted, head down. 

"Suga, I-I took your advice. The stuff you told me at morning practice yesterday? That long speech about how if I let people walk all over me, they'll never stop?" 

"I remember. Kei wasn't exactly looking happy at us talking; I have a feeling he knows we were talking about him." 

"He wasn't. I don't know what his problem was, Suga senpai! All day he kept yelling at me, and being rude, and usually I wouldn't have noticed it because that's how he always is, but then you pointed it out to me and I got dragged aside during class and lunch and honestly this pressure inside me just kept building and building and I just blew up on Tsukki-Tsukishima."

"First of all, Tadashi, breathe." Suga reminded him softly. 

Yamaguchi leaned forward until his head rested on Suga's shoulder. If the older boy thought it was awkward, he didn't mention it. Maybe he could just tell that Yamaguchi needed it. 

"I- I told him not to talk to me again until he was ready to apologize." 

"That's good, Tadashi." Suga assured him gently, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. 

"Suga senpai?" 

"Hmm?" 

"When we fought, I...I said a lot of bad stuff. And I only said it because I knew it would get under his skin. The look on his face before I left, it was...it was hurt. Because of me. Am I....am I a bad person?"

"No, Tadashi. You're not a bad person. Everyone says things they don't mean during fights. The fact that you're worried about it means that you're a very GOOD person. The most important thing you can do now is stay strong." 

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't just blowing hot air when I gave you advice, Tadashi." Suga laughed. 

"Kei needs to understand that he can't say anything he wants to you just because he's defensive. These next few days will be hard, but you'll both be closer because of it. Trust me. Just wait for him to apologize; I'm sure he will." 

"I'm kind of scared, honestly. What if he moves on? What if he never apologized? Suga, what if Tsukishima doesn't need me?" 

Suga smiled and ran a gentle hand through Yamaguchi's hair, ever the team mom. He pulled them both off the bench and rested his hands on Yamaguchi's shoulders. 

"Tadashi, I think Kei needs you a lot more than he's ever let on."   
~*~  
Tsukishima's morning immediately rivaled his night in terrible. He overslept, since Yamaguchi always texted him in the morning for some trivial thing; a lost book or a confirmation on whether or not there was a test. He didn't even bother to set an alarm. Yanaguchi WAS his alarm. At least, he had been. 

So, he'd jumped out of bed and fallen straight on the floor, since the covers tangled around his legs and he didn't have his glasses. Now he had a giant bruise on his chin, curses flying out of his mouth, and no idea what time it was. 

He checked his phone, and sighed in relief. School hadn't started yet, but he'd missed morning practice. Oh, well. He probably would have skipped it anyway. 

His uniform was rumpled and he felt like a truck had ran over him, but he made it to school. 

However, once he was there, he really wished he had just stayed home. 

Because Yamaguchi was right. There really was no one else in class for him to talk with. 

They'd all obviously had a discussion about how awful Tsukishima was, anyway. It wasn't like he had the potential to make any new friends. 

So, he did what he usually did. 

He fixed them with a harsh glare, fastened his headphones snugly around his ears, and turned the music up loud enough to drown out their voices. Once lessons started, he'd have to take them off, but by then at least no one else would be able to talk. 

That only worked for the first ten minutes. 

He wasn't counting on having to deal with the uproar that came when Yamaguchi arrived. 

"Oi, Yamaguchi!" A male classmate called, draping his arm over Yamaguchi's shoulders. Tsukishima turned the music down just low enough to hear their voices, trying his best not to look like he was eavesdropping. 

"-so glad you finally grew a spine and stood up to Tsukishima!" 

Tsukishima bristled. Yamaguchi had always HAD a spine, and that insolent prick didn't know the first thing about his friend. Yamaguchi had pride; he'd always known that. He just hadn't realized that same stiff pride over any insults extended to him. 

"Honestly, he's so scary looking all the time!" A girl chimed in, giggling in his direction. He didn't make eye contact, and did his best to seem unaffected. It appeared to work. 

"I don't know, I think the whole 'stoic type' is kind of hot." Another whispered, and Yamaguchi made a strange choking noise. 

"Tsukki....shima? Hot?" He gasped out, and the unknown girl laughed. 

"Yeah, Yamaguchi-kun! Believe it or not, he's always been popular with the girls. Doesn't mean he ever acts on a confession, though." She pouted. 

"Don't worry, though! You're still pretty handsome." She said affectionately, ruffling his hair, coaxing a strained smile, though Yamaguchi still looked red in the face. 

Tsukishima had to conceal his own choking noise. 

Yamaguchi, handsome? 

Yamaguchi, the one who once got so distracted asking Tsukishima questions about dinosaurs that he ran into a doorframe?

Yamaguchi, the one who'd hurt Tsukishima worse than anyone else had managed for years? 

Yamaguchi, with his big doe eyes. Yamaguchi, with his tall, slim stature and soft hands. Yamaguchi, with his hair that never sat still and puffed up like a cat when he was surprised. Yamaguchi, with his lips that-

Okay, he supposed that word had its merits. 

Not that Tsukishima was noticing. Of course not. They had been screaming at each other less than 24 hours ago. He wasn't some boy in a shoujo manga, scared and whispering to himself "My god, he's handsome." 

Okay, so maybe Tsukishima noticed a little. Maybe he always had. Yamaguchi had been a cute kid, sure. He'd lost his baby fat during middle school, but that bright innocence and optimism still made him seem younger than he really was. It wasn't until near the beginning of the summer before high school that Tsukishima had lain awake one night, plagued by thoughts like "Hey, my best friend suddenly got handsome overnight. What's up with that?" 

He hadn't acted on them, though. What was he going to do anyway? Yamaguchi didn't believe compliments; he'd known that for years. Someone would call him cute, good looking, or smart. He'd thank them, but Tsukihima always saw the small flash of disbelief in his eyes. He'd always prided himself on his ability to read Yamaguchi like a book, but apparently he'd gotten rusty. Any compliment from Tsukishima itself, however subtlety said, was shaken off by Yamaguchi without believing him. 

"So, Yamaguchi, you give Tsukishima that ugly bruise on his forehead?" 

The sentence stirred Tsukishima from his thoughts, and he realized that people were staring at him. 

"What? Tsukishima has a bruise?" Yamaguchi said, sounding slightly worried. The worry in his voice was enough to give Tsukishima some small hope. Maybe, just maybe, Yamaguchi didn't hate him that much. 

"Ha! Hear that, guys? Yamaguchi punched Tsukishima in the face and didn't even stay behind to see if it bruised!" 

The echoing laughter and gasps were enough to make Tsukishima's blood run cold. Yamaguchi was going to tell them he didn't do that, right? That it was just a simple argument? 

Tsukishima sat back and waiting for it to happen. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

The more he waited, the angrier he got, and still Yamaguchi said nothing.   
~*~   
By lunchtime, Yamaguchi was just slightly panicking. His newfound popularity confused him; none of these people had seemed even remotely interested in being his friend before his fight with Tsukishima. 

Did they all just think he was violent? He hadn't thrown a single punch; the fact that Tsukishima had a bruise was genuinely concerning him. He'd been too busy staring at it, picturing terrible situations in which Tsukishima was attacked, to realize that a boy was talking to him. By the time he had figured they were spreading rumors about his "legendary" fight, it was too late. 

According to some, Tsukishima had thrown a weak punch that had ended with Yamaguchi tackling him to ground and pummeling him into unconsciousness. To others, a single uppercut had left him reeling, giving Yamaguchi time to run away and escape. 

According to all versions, Yamaguchi was the valiant hero and Tsukishima was the villain. 

According to Yamaguchi, the whole thing was stupid. 

So, the second the lunch bell rang, he'd grabbed his bag and sprinted into the bathroom, miraculously avoiding anyone on the way down the stairs as he sat down on the last one. 

Those rumors about fighting, those weren't him. They were some cruel copy, a malicious clone, a parallel universe Yamaguchi who took no insult, however small. Even if he wished for that false bravery to suddenly spring into truth, it was a far cry from the Yamaguchi of this universe. 

This Yamaguchi was the one who'd cried for an hour when they were twelve and had seen a dead dog on the side of the road. This Yamaguchi couldn't handle a horror movie without clinging to Tsukishima and hiding his eyes. This Yamaguchi was, however much he hated it, weak. 

This Yamaguchi was known only by Tsukishima. 

"Ruined that, Tadashi." He chuckled to himself, leaning his head against the wall. 

"What did you say?" 

He bolted upright at the voice, opening his eyes and clutching his lunch in terror. Tsukishima stood above him, looking down, as always. He'd just taken his headphones off his neck, and Yamaguchi couldn't help but notice the way his hand dragged down the sleeve covering his shoulder ever so slightly, revealing the skin underneath. He looked away. 

"Nothing." Yamaguchi whispered, and Tsukishima grunted. He made a move as if to walk up the stairs, and Yamaguchi surprised them both by reaching out for his pant leg and stopping him. 

"How did you get that bruise?" He asked, before he could stop himself. 

Tsukishima's lips curled into a sneer Yamaguchi had seen a thousand times- just never aimed at him. 

"Don't you remember?" He spat, his golden eyes bright with anger. "You punched me in the face." 

He yanked his leg free and attempted to sprint up the remaining stairs, but Yamaguchi shot up and reached out, grabbing the handle of his friend's backpack which stretched across his chest. 

"You know that's not true." He said evenly, surprised by how his voice didn't seem to be quivering. 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.   
"It appears to be the most popular version of our little fight though, doesn't it?" 

"I didn't start those rumors!" Yamaguchi cried in indignation. 

"No." Tsukishima agreed. "But you didn't deny them either. Why didn't you, Yamaguchi ? Did you like being the brave hero for once?" 

"No!" Yamaguchi yelled.   
"Maybe I didn't say anything at first, but I've denied it whenever someone comes up to me!" 

Tsukishima's eyes still seemed to burn right through him, real anger showing, running so much deeper than his mean comments yesterday. Yamaguchi knew that Tsukishima hated a lot of things, but he also knew that he despised liars. 

"I didn't lie." He said, hoping it didn't sound weak. 

"You didn't tell the truth, either." Tsukishima interjected quietly, voice low. 

"I've never lied to you." Yamaguchi insisted, and Tsukishima laughed. 

"Never lied, Yamaguchi ? Remember when we were twelve?" 

Yamaguchi paled. Yes, he knew what Tsukishima was getting at. 

"Stop." He warned, his grip on Tsukishima's bag slipping. 

"Stop what?" Tsukishima taunted. "Stop reminding you of the only secret you've ever kept from me? Stop reminding you of the fact that you've harbored some pathetic childhood crush on my brother for years?" 

"Tsukishima, stop." Yamaguchi begged, but he didn't. 

He didn't because he was Tsukki, and he'd always known how to hurt Yamaguchi best. 

"Stop what? Do you want me to say it? GAY. You're gay, Yamaguchi. You know it, don't you? Know it's pathetic. Did you also know that it's technically illegal in Japan? You can never get married. You can never have kids. It's illegal. And that means it's WRONG." He spat, and Yamaguchi sucked in air quickly. He felt the words like an actual punch to the chest. Tsukishima was the only one who knew that, the only one who even had a clue of Yamaguchi's deepest secret. He'd never used it against him before. 

It was a low blow. 

It was low, it was hurtful, it was dirty, it was below the belt, and it was every other word Yamaguchi could think of to describe the new depths to which Tsukishima had sunk. 

All to hurt him. 

Always to hurt him.   
~*~  
Tsukishima had always known he had a bad habit of saying the most hurtful thing he could think of in a fight, even if he didn't believe it. It was his blessing and his curse, this razor sharp ability to pinpoint any insecurity. He'd  
promised himself years ago he'd never use it on Yamaguchi, and the guilt was instant. 

He was being hypocritical, after all, and that was annoying. He was also just now realizing that there were many different levels of hurt. 

He'd been a bit hurt when Yamaguchi had laughed at him that day in the diner. 

He'd been a lot more hurt when he brought up his dinosaur collection and his brother. 

He'd been especially hurt when Yamaguchi had let those horrible rumors spread. 

But Yamaguchi, now? He flinched so hard it surprised them both, and Tsukishima could see him clench his fists and jaw, and knew he'd gone too far. 

Yamaguchi yelled suddenly, surging forward on his toes so their faces were close, clenching the fabric of Tsukishima's shirt in his fist. 

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" Yamaguchi screamed in his face, and Tsukishima could see tears starting to sparkle in his eyes. 

"NO RIGHT!" Yamaguchi repeated. "No right to bring that up here, now. No right to say those AWFUL things. You're only doing it because you know it hurts me, aren't you? 

All our lives you've acted so indifferent to our friendship, like I'm supposed to feel lucky you let me stick around. Well news flash, Tsukishima. I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE! That scared little boy from grade school? He's GONE. DEAD! You helped kill him last night, and just now. You're not my protection, and haven't been for years. I took your insults, I took your ignorance and cruelty. All because I knew that was just YOU. That's just who you are. What does that say about you, huh? That your best friend of so many years hates you now?" A single tear squeezed out of his eye and rolled down his cheek, and he wiped it away angrily. 

Tsukishima had never been so shocked in his life. 

Yamaguchi let go of his shirt, sinking back down and taking a step back slowly, shaking his head. Tsukishima almost reached out for him, but stopped himself. 

"There's no coming back from this, Tsukishima." Yamaguchi whispered. "You finally crossed the line." 

It couldn't end here! Their friendship was too precious to Tsukishima to let him go now. When he tried to say that, however, the words stuck in his mouth. So, he stuck by what he knew. Manipulation. 

"I'll tell people." He said desperately. Anything. He'd say anything to make Yamaguchi stay. 

"I'll tell them you're g-" 

BAM! 

His head snapped back and hit the wall behind him, pain flaring in his nose and skull. As if from a distance, he heard Yamaguchi full on sobbing, congested heaves that rattled his chest and scrunched his face. 

Yamaguchi had punched him. 

Yamaguchi had PUNCHED him. 

He felt blood dripping down his already bruised chest as his vision cleared, and his fingers came away red. All words and clever, scathing phrases vanished, leaving behind plain to see what he really was- a fifteen year old boy, terrified to lose his best friend. 

He looked at Yamaguchi, who's face was screwed up in an ugly way as tears ran down his red face. 

I- I HATE YOU, TSUKISHIMA!" Yamaguchi wailed, pulling his hands in tight to his chest, trying to hug himself. He backed away slowly, as if the very sight of Tsukishima sickened and terrified him. 

"You used to call me Tsukki." Tsukishima said bluntly, the words falling from his mouth as thickly as the blood from his nose, and he hated it. He hated how ugly and broken everything had turned. He hated the fact that his shattered mess of a self was scattered for all to see. He hated that Yamaguchi pretended not to hear as he sprinted away, still sobbing. 

He hated the fact that it still hurt when he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry for the cliff hanger, but hopefully I'll get the next chapter posted soon. Please comment!


	3. Simmering down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! I don't really feel that confident in this chapter, so please tell me what I can fix!

Yamaguchi had been in the locker room since lunch, crying. No one had entered since, thank god, so he was free to sit locked in a stall and lament. He clenched his fist and stared at the dried blood on his knuckles, sniffling slightly. Knees pulled up to his chest, arms around his knees, face down, he doubtlessly painted a pretty pathetic figure. And he felt it, too. 

He'd punched his best friend. Granted, he wasn't sure this best friend even WAS his best friend anymore. Technically, he shouldn't feel guilty at all. 

But this best friend was also the one who'd taken him in all those years ago, who'd scared the bullies away. Most people immediately categorized Tsukishima as a jerk, and a bully. They were right, of course, but he was also so much more. 

Yamaguchi's Tsukishima was the one who stayed by his side when he was scared, and never told Yamaguchi he was being stupid or irrational. His Tsukishima was the one who always knew when Yamaguchi was uncomfortable, and tried to fix it as quickly as possible. His Tsukishima was kind, a giant nerd, and couldn't take the smallest compliment without scoffing and pretending he wasn't pleased. 

Letting go of that Tsukishima? Letting go of Tsukki? Yamaguchi wasn't sure he knew how. Suga had told him to just wait, and everything would sort itself out. Look how that ended up! He'd given his best friend a bloody nose and cracked his glasses; he'd seen the most stoic person he knew lying before him, a bleeding mess, and had known that he was the reason. 

Yamaguchi hated conflict. 

He sniffed, and thought about the homework he doubtlessly had from skipping class. He wondered if Tsukishima had stayed at school, or if he'd left. 

He honestly hoped it was the latter. Facing the middle blocker now seemed like the worst possible thing. 

Suddenly, a door slammed open, and he heard chatter and squeaking footsteps. Yamaguchi's blood ran cold; the team must be starting practice. 

He listened to the conversations, and froze.

"-nna KILL that blond bastard!" 

"Find Tadashi, and then-" 

"-ted to the club? Can't risk another lecture-" 

The door to his stall was suddenly kicked open, and he whimpered. 

"OWOOOO! FOUND HIM!" He heard, and he looked up. 

"H-Hinata?"

"YAMAGUCHIIIIII!" YOU'RE NOT DEAD!" Hinata yelled, diving into the stall and wrapping his arms and legs around a very surprised Yamaguchi. His weight dragged them both onto the floor, and Yamaguchi peered up to see a very angry Kageyama standing in the opening.

"Stupid Hinata! Don't jump on people like that!" 

"I was just happy he wasn't hurt!" 

"Why would I be hurt?" Yamaguchi asked. 

Kageyama scowled as he yanked Hinata up, although his face softened when he glanced at Yamaguchi again. 

"Um...no reason. But....I'm uh, really hap- GLAD....that you're okay and...all that, because...your serve is really important to the team and-yeah." 

"HA! Kageyama is so dumb with his feelings!" Hinata snickered, and the blushing Kageyama yanked him out the stall as quickly as possible. 

Yamaguchi stood up slowly, straightening his jacket. 

Suga and Daichi appeared in the doorway, both breathing sighs of relief. Yamaguchi was suddenly painfully aware of the tear tracks running down his face. 

"Tadashi! Thank god!" Suga panted, running a hand through his silver hair as he and Daichi exchanged glances. 

"We need to talk."   
~*~  
Tsukishima had left school immediately after the fight, as soon as he'd grabbed some paper towels from the bathroom and pushed them against his nose. 

The poor student working the front desk had tried to stop him, but one glare and a snarl had quickly silenced her. Normally,he wouldn't have resorted to intimidation in order to get what he wanted. 

He wouldn't have had to, because normally Yamaguchi would have poked his side and distracted him from any anger with a question, and gotten them through the door with a smile. 

Normally, Yamaguchi would be standing next to him. Normally, he'd be hearing "Tsukki! Wait!"  
as he walked, and he'd smile. 

Normally, he wouldn't feel so.....awful. 

"You used to call me Tsukki." He mimicked. "How could I have been so emotional and stupid?" 

Tsukishima knew he deserved to be punched. He deserved every punishment in the world for trying to manipulate his best friend. He deserved every punishment in the world for being hypocritical and treating Yamaguchi like trash. 

Still, knowing he deserved wasn't going to make his feet stop dragging. It wasn't going to make his nose stop aching. 

He muttered angry things to himself as he walked home, cursing as he tripped over a rock he hadn't been able to see. He couldn't see anything through the cracked webs in the lenses of his glasses. They were hindering his ability to even walk straight; he left them on the road where they'd fallen off and walked home nearly blind. 

His parents wouldn't be off work for hours, so he rested his back against the counter and sighed in relief as he pushed a bag of frozen peas against his aching nose. 

"KEI?" He heard, and he spun around to see a disheveled Akiteru, still wearing his pajamas. 

"Akiteru? What are you doing home?" He gaped, and his brother waved off the question as he hopped the counter. 

"College holiday, nothing important. But let's get to the point: who's been punching my sweet baby brother? A mugger? A bully? Tell me right now, Kei, I'll grab a baseball bat and-" 

"Yamaguchi." Tsukishima said, wincing at both the memory and the pain in his nose. 

"What's Tadashi got to do with anything? Did these thugs get him too?! I'll go grab some friends and we can-"

"Yamaguchi punched me." Tsukishima said bluntly, and his brother's eyes widened. 

He listened to about five minutes of Akiteru's rant about "sweet, innocent little Tadashi? The boy who once cried for an hour when he was nine because you tripped over a tree root and broke your toe? That teddy bear?" before he had to interrupt. 

"He punched me because of a fight we got into, all because of a comment YOU made."

Akiteru wet a washcloth and leaned in, prying the bag away and whistling at Tsukishima's already bruised nose. 

"Wow, Tadashi can really throw a punch, huh? Who knew?" 

"Didn't you hear me? This whole thing is your fault." 

"Oh shush, little brother. I may have commented, but this fight has been coming for a long time. Frankly, I'm glad. Tadashi needs to start standing up for himself more."

"So you think I'm not good enough for him? You think he deserves better than me?" Tsukishima asked accusingly, shifting slightly. 

"I think you treat everyone's favorite bundle of freckled nerves like crap."

Tsukishima didn't answer. 

Akiteru huffed. "Kei, you're my adorable baby brother. As far as I'm concerned, there's no one better than you. Yamaguchi doesn't 'deserve' someone other than you; he just deserves better treatment." 

"I don't know how to give him that." Tsukishima said in a dull voice, looking up at his brother for the first time in a while. "I don't know how to change."

"You don't have to!" Akiteru assured him, removing the washcloth to get a clearer view of Tsukishima's face. 

"Kei, you're the one who once came home fuming and ready to murder someone for calling Tadashi ugly."

"I was immature back then." 

"It was last year, you idiot."

"I know he deserves better. I'm just...the words don't come out right, when I try to tell him. He's always been able to read between the lines, and know. Even when I treated him like everyone else, he knew."

"But he's not just anyone else, is he, Kei?" Akiteru said gently. "He's Tadashi." 

"What does that mean?" 

"Do you need Tadashi, Kei? Really need him?" 

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" 

"Do you need him? Look at you! Barely a day apart and you're life's already gone to shit! Whining and complaining about your feelings like a confused shoujo manga protagonist!" 

"Of course I need him!" Tsukishima exclaimed, exasperated. 

"I've always needed him! By my side, with me. I've always needed him to keep me sane and focused. I've always needed him to pull me back and calm me down! Akiteru, what am I going to do? He hates me." 

Akiteru tilted his head to the side as if he was facing a particularly complicated problem. 

"Little brother, I think we need to have a talk about romance." 

"What?!" Tsukishima yelped, and Akiteru grinned. "I don't like Yamaguchi!" 

"You may not 'like him' like him, but you LIKE him, eh?" 

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Schematics, tiny Kei! Don't worry, big brother's gonna make everything okay again." 

Tsukishima suddenly got a lot more worried.  
~*~  
"God, Tadashi, I'm so glad you're okay!" Yachi cried as they walked out of the locker room, throwing herself into Yamaguchi's arms. He caught her, slightly dazed. 

"What? Why wouldn't I be?"

"There's...been rumors flying around. About your fight." 

"What?" He cried, and she set her feet against the floor firmly. 

"You were both yelling pretty loudly." She admitted. "And then, when someone went to check, you were both gone and there were drops of blood on the floor. Nobody knew what happened."

"We couldn't find either of you." Suga added, coming up behind her. "We were all pretty worried." 

"I heard someone say Tsukishima knocked you out and dragged you off." Ennoshita added as he walked by to set up the net. 

"And I heard that you'd done the same thing to Tsukishima!" Yachi added in. "But I knew you'd never do that, so I got worried!" 

"If you're up to it, we need to hear what actually happened." Daichi said, sitting him down on the benches while the rest of the team started to stretch-and pretend they weren't listening in. 

"Well, um...I saw Tsukishima in the stairwell at lunch, and he had a bruise on his chin. So, I was worried! I asked him 'How'd you get that bruise?' and he kind of snarled and said 'Don't you remember? You punched me in the face.' and that's when I realized he must be mad about those rumors going around, so I said-" 

"You don't have to tell us what happened in exact detail. Just summarize." Daichi instructed, and Yamaguchi blushed. 

"R-right. Ah, Tsukishima started bringing up...things...from our childhood, things he knew would hurt me." 

"That BASTARD!" 

They all turned around to see Tanaka and Nishinoya jumping up angrily. 

"How dare he hurt and manipulate our poor, innocent little Yamaguchi? I'll kill him!" 

"I'd said some pretty awful things to him the day before, so we're equal, I guess." Yamaguchi said meekly. 

"That doesn't matter!" Hinata exclaimed, jumping up.   
"Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, especially from their friends! Tsukishima had no right to say those things when you were fighting for respect!" 

"SHOUYOOOO! THAT WAS SO COOL!" Tanaka cried, ruffling the middle blocker's hair. 

"Anyway." Yamaguchi continued, "He said some rude things...very rude things. Things that were a secret between us. I said them back, though, and turned to leave. He yelled that he'd tell people, so I panicked. And I-I punched him. In the nose. And ran off into the locker room." 

Daichi sucked in a breath through his teeth, looking at Suga pleadingly. 

"Tadashi, we can't let anyone know about this, alright? The principle wasn't a fan of ours in the first place, but if this gets out? He may suspend the club." 

"What? Why?" Yamaguchi cried. 

"Let's just say that you've carried on the tradition of making someone bleed in the hallway." Suga said, looking at Daichi. 

"That was one time, Suga! He deserved it." Daichi grumbled before turning to Yamaguchi to continue the conversation. 

"The point is, he doesn't really like us. So, it's important that you and Tsukishima get this fight under control and keep it secret. I'm not saying you have to be friends again-although that would be nice- but just keep the fists from flying, okay? At least at school." 

"Everywhere, Daichi!" Suga scolded, and the captain smiled.

"Yeah, what he said." 

Yamaguchi nodded. 

They were silent, nodding and contemplating about how to end this, when suddenly, of all the people in the world, Tsukishima Akiteru had to burst in. 

"Tadashi!" He grinned, doubled over and panting, "why don't I walk you home?"  
~*~  
"What's this about, again?" Yamaguchi asked nervously, waiting for Akiteru to finish drinking from the water fountain so they could leave. 

"What else? My idiot baby brother, Kei." 

"O-oh. Okay." 

Akiteru stood, wiped off his mouth, and put an arm around Yamaguchi's shoulders. 

"So, Tadashi, I understand that my brother has recently been an extreme prick to you." He started, guiding them to the sidewalk. 

"Yeah." 

"Well, first of all, I would like to congratulate you on your amazing punching abilities. Kei's nose is pretty banged up. So's his chin." 

"I didn't hit him on the chin!" Yamaguchi cried, and Akiteru shushed him. 

"I know you didn't, Tadashi. I heard him try to get up this morning and fall flat on his face. I also heard the impressive string of curses afterwards, but that's not important." 

Yamaguchi's lips quirked into a smile against his will. "That's sounds like something he would do." 

"Doesn't it? Listen, Tadashi." Akiteru started, suddenly sitting them both down on a nearby park bench. 

"You understand that Kei's an idiot when it comes to social situation, right?"

"Of course." 

"You also understand that he's never had a friend like you?" 

"I guess." 

"Good." 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Akiteru turned to face him, all seriousness. 

"Tadashi." He started. "I'm going to be honest here. Do you have any idea what Kei looked like when he came home?" 

"..No." 

"I walked into the kitchen to get some afternoon cereal-because I'm cool like that- and saw my little brother pressing frozen peas to his nose, without his glasses, looking like an emotional wreck. I'm telling you exactly what I thought, then. I thought 'Okay, whoever did this to my Kei is going down. Hard.' But then, he told me. It was you." 

"I know." Yamaguchi looked down, trying not to show that Akiteru's description of Tsukishima unnerved him. 

"The worst thing is," Akiteru continued, "I know he deserved it. It's always been a source of fights between us, how he treats you like you're expendable." 

"It wasn't that bad." Yamaguchi insisted, sitting up a little straighter 

"Tadashi, did he even get you anything for your birthday?" 

"Yes! Videos on perfecting a float serve, a carton of fries, and some glow stars for my ceiling." 

"...he never told me that! I even asked him what he was getting you, and he just shrugged!" 

"That sounds like him. He hates my reaction when he gives me gifts." Yamaguchi noted wryly, looking down. He tried to keep his answers short and clipped, holding the anger and sadness at bay. 

"What? Why? Wouldn't that just make him happy?" 

"I got really excited, I guess. It embarrassed him, but I couldn't help it! It was...nice to get all these presents from him, because they were always so well thought-out, and he doesn't give them to a lot of people." 

Akiteru didn't miss the fact that he was referring to their relationship in the past tense, but neither commented. 

"All of these presents? As in more than just birthday ones?" 

"Oh, yeah. He used to give me lots of gifts, even though he tried to pretend like it wasn't him." 

"Like what?" Akiteru asked, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, seeming to be surprised his brother was such a good friend. It made Yamaguchi a little sad, if he was being honest.

"Hmm...little things. Getting me fries if I'd had a bad day at practice. Offering to stay behind with me while I worked on my serves. Once, he sent me a link to an article that talked about how unique and beautiful freckles were. I tried to talk to him about it afterwards, but he denied the whole thing." 

"Tadashi?"

"What?"

"Were you...happy in your relationship with Kei? Did you ever want....more?" 

Yamaguchi felt himself turning red. How much had Tsukishima told his brother? 

"We aren't talking about that." He said quickly. "He always protected me, and I'd always needed him before. I was grateful, and I felt special. And that is all that I'm going to say on the matter." 

"Okay, Tadashi." Akiteru hummed, seeming to get his answer. Yamaguchi swallowed, feeling uneasy. 

"One more question!" Akiteru said, and Yamaguchi groaned inwardly. He liked Akiteru, he really did. Not in that way, anymore (thank god), but he was honest and fiercely protective of his family. 

"Could you ever be friends with Kei again? He's miserable, you know." 

"I-I don't know. He said...terrible things to me." 

"He's sorry, though! He hasn't said it, of course, but I know he is-" 

"That's not enough." Yamaguchi interrupted. "All my life, I've read between the lines. I've seen what he doesn't feel like saying. Some rash comments here and there were bad enough; but what he said to me this morning? You can't excuse that."

"If you'd just tell me what he said, I could-" 

"No! This is between me and him. He brought up things he's never before, and he did it specifically to hurt me. And it did hurt. A lot." 

Yamaguchi thought back to screaming sobs and the words "I HATE YOU, TSUKISHIMA!" 

They'd both said things that couldn't be ignored. 

"What if he apologized? Crawled to you on his hands and knees?" 

"It is going to take a lot more than that, Akiteru. I'm done with this way he treats me. I'm done with his backhanded comments and aloof manner. If he wants to be friends again, he needs to earn it." 

There was silence. 

Suddenly, Akiteru threw himself at Yamaguchi, hugging him tightly. 

"I'm glad, Tadashi," he whispered, "that you're learning to stand up for yourself. I'm proud." 

Yamaguchi had the strangest desire to burst into tears, but he'd already done enough of that for one day. 

They didn't speak, and Akiteru turned to leave. Yamaguchi, however, spoke up. 

"Did I really break his glasses?"   
~*~  
The next morning was a school holiday, so Tsukishima managed to sleep in and avoid his parents, who would only ask about his nose. He went outside to get the mall, and stopped dead. 

Inside was a new pair of prescription glasses exactly like his old ones, taped to a note. 

"Dear Tsukishima," he read aloud, "Here's a new pair of glasses to replace your old ones. This doesn't mean I forgive you, but I felt you needed these because I know how bad your vision is." 

He smiled, and squinted at the top, suddenly filled with a joy so inexplicably BRIGHT he hardly recognized it. He wanted to clutch the letter to his chest, and spin. 

He didn't, of course, but the desire was still there. 

Because under the letter's greeting was an obvious eraser mark. 

An eraser mark that stopped halfway through his name. 

Yamaguchi had written "Dear Tsukki." 

He'd erased if, but all that mattered was that he'd written it in the first place. 

It was a start.


	4. Chapter Four

Sometimes Tsukishima really hated how well he knew Yamaguchi. 

Even when they were fighting, (well, they weren't really fighting anymore per say, it was more like...ah, never mind) he couldn't help but check to make sure his friend was doing all right. If he wasn't, Tsukishima knew. 

Years of friendship couldn't just be turned off, after all; after so long, they were simply synchronized. Seeing Hinata offer Yamaguchi some rice at practice made him cringe, and any loud noises had him whirling his head to see if Yamaguchi had jumped out of fright, which he usually had. (Yamaguchi hated plain rice; he loved spices. And he'd been severely startled by loud noises since grade school). Overall, he just could NOT ignore Yamaguchi, no matter how much he wished he could. 

And believe it, Tsukishima wished he could. 

Mostly because of the dreams. 

Dreams in which they ended their fight, and made up. Dreams where Yamaguchi forgave him for every word he ever spoke. Dreams in which Tsukishima finally knew how to find the right words. 

Dreams which, more often than not, ended with them kissing. And more, although Tsukishima couldn't and wouldn't let himself focus on it, lest he die of embarrassment. It was becoming a nightly thing, a tradition. He would lie in his bed, afraid to close his eyes, because he knew that he would be seeing Yamaguchi behind the lids. 

It was driving him insane. 

And how ironic was it, really, that this whole dilemma started when Yamaguchi couldn't stand him? He couldn't even stare at his daydreaming problem without being noticed, and without remembering that he was despised. 

Okay, maybe despised was too dramatic a word. But he was definitely disliked, and made the other boy uneasy. Yamaguchi wasn't an idiot, and was sure to notice any stares Tsukishima threw his way. He was, however, incredibly nervous. When he caught the stares, he would balk and assume Tsukishima was doing something creepy, and evil. It hurt, even if Tsukishima would never admit it in a thousand years. 

He'd gone to school and morning practice after the incident with the glasses, expecting...what, exactly? He didn't know. For Yamaguchi to act like nothing happened? To step back into their old dynamics without question, like jumping back into a familiar pair of pants?   
Certainly not Yamaguchi to cease talking to him, period. 

He wasn't rude about it, though, and that was what hurt most of all. It was like all the years by each other's side suddenly meant nothing, and they were now only acquaintances. People who exchanged pleasantries and greetings in the hallway, and only that. People who weren't close. 

Akiteru couldn't stand to see his little brother so mopey, so he invited a few people over to hatch a plan. These people turned out to be Sugawara, and (embarrassingly) Hinata and Kageyama. The word "stunned" had nothing on Tsukishima's expression when he opened the door to find them standing there. 

"What are you doing here?" He'd asked, not even opening the door all the way. Sugawara smiled as warmly as ever, holding up a bag of pork buns. 

"Your brother invited us," he said. "May we come in?" 

Akiteru walked down the stairs then, toweling his hair dry after a shower. "Oh, are they here?" he asked brightly, pushing past Tsukishima to open the door. 

"Hey! Thanks for coming!" 

Akiteru led them inside, telling them to sit in the living room while he put the pork buns on plates. "Awkward" barely began to cover the silence that ensued. 

Tsukishima began formulating a plan of escape. Maybe he could jump out of the window? No, to do that he'd have to vault over Hinata and Kageyama, who were wrestling over the couch cushion next to the arm rest. He wasn't sure if they realized there were two. Before he could think of anything else, Akiteru was back, and Hinata was making distracting squawking sounds, because " _Pork buns, Kageyama_!"

Once they were satisfied, Akiteru dropped the bomb. 

"So, as I'm sure you've all noticed, Kei has a gigantic crush on Tadashi." 

"Akiteru!" Tsukishima hissed, twisting the fabric of the chair beneath him harshly in his hands. Hinata and Kageyama stopped fighting -for now- and stared at him as if they were seeing him for the first time. 

"Really?" Hinata asked, reaching out to stuff another pork bun in his mouth. "You're gay?" 

Tsukishima flinched, and made a point of looking away from the other middle blocker. 

"Well, it's obvious!" Akiteru replied, looking at Hinata in disbelief. "The uptight way he's been acting ever since Yamaguchi stood up to him -sorry, Kei, but he did- is exactly like a jilted lover! I know my baby brother, tiny excited redhead, and-"

"My name is Hinata." 

"Well, I know my baby brother, Hinata. And he only acts like this when something is bothering him."

"What are we supposed to do about it?" Kageyama asked bluntly, and Suga made a distressed noise and smacked his shoulder. 

"Don't be so rude, Kageyama!" 

"Yeah, Bakageyama!" Hinata crowed, ducking out of the way of an incoming noogie. "Be nice!"

Tsukishima nearly snarled out his next words. "If all you're going to do is treat this like a joke, then get out." He heard a snicker behind him, and saw Akiteru looking at Sugawara with a smug expression. 

"See, Suga?" he said happily, and Tsukishima's upperclassmen nodded. "He didn't even deny it; just went straight into his typical rude mode! He's in deep!" Suga nodded along as if Akiteru's rant made perfect sense, and Tsukishima seethed inwardly. Having his brother lecture him on romance was humiliating enough, but inviting his teammates over to discuss it as well? Tsukishima could barely handle himself knowing how inept he was. Adding more people into the mix was just a recipe for disaster. 

The thing is, though...they weren't wrong. 

Akiteru had lectured him long and hard, pointing out why Tsukishima OBVIOUSLY liked Yamaguchi, and why he OBVIOUSLY needed to "step up his game" if he hoped to win him back. As strangely spoken as it was, the more Akiteru talked, the more it made sense. It perfectly explained why the fight had affected him so, and why Yamaguchi letting the rumor's spread had hurt him so much. 

It also explained why he had said those terrible things in the stairway that day, although Tsukishima hadn't dared tell his brother that, for fear of being punched yet again. Still, projecting your own inward struggles and insecurities onto others was a popular coping technique, and since Tsukishima didn't believe a word of what he'd said about Yamaguchi, it stood to reason that he'd only said it because HE was afraid of being gay. 

Sometimes, Tsukishima really hated his own logic. It was too...logical. 

"-ny ideas?" He heard, and his head shot up. Hinata was waving his hand enthusiastically, Kageyama was brooding, and Suga was staring at him with a concerned expression. 

"What did you just say?" he asked, a bit stupidly, he thought. Akiteru raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on his daydreaming. 

"I asked if anyone had any ideas on what to do in order to win Tadashi back, of course!" his brother said, looking at Tsukishima as if he was an idiot. Hinata made "pick me, pick me!" sounds as he waved his hand, almost falling off in the couch in his excitement. He would have fallen headfirst into the floor if Kageyama hadn't caught the back of his shirt. The setter grumbled in annoyance as he righted the red-head, but Tsukishima didn't miss the way his eyes lingered, searching for any injuries. 

"Let Hinata answer before his head explodes." Suga laughed, and Akiteru grinned. 

"What advice ya got, Hinata?"

"He should apologize!" Hinata cried, and the room went silent. Tsukishima felt like face-palming, and he was pretty sure Kageyama actually did. "But not like, normally," he backtracked, stumbling a bit at their faces. "Tsukishima, I think you need to apologize in a big way. In public, maybe?" 

"Don't be stupid," Kageyama muttered, grabbing Hinata's hair and tugging. "Yamaguchi is super shy, and Tsukishima's quiet. A public apology would be dumb." 

"Oh! So, a private one then?" Hinata asked eagerly. "Should we book them restaurant reservations?" 

"Idiot!" Kageyama snapped. "Yamaguchi is mad at Tsukishima right now. Why would he meet him at a restaurant?"

"Free food!" Hinata proclaimed, brandishing a meat bun like a sword. "Anyone will do anything for free food!" 

"No, that's just you," Tsukishima said, rolling his eyes. "And I'm not so sure I want to listen to advice given by you two on romance, anyways. You have no experience." 

"Ehhh?" Hinata swallowed loudly, looking comically offended. Kageyama snarled, but the blush on his cheekbones let Tsukishima know that he'd hit the mark. He smiled. "At least I know better than to be a total jerk to my crush!" Hinata said, gesturing so wildly he smacked Kageyama in the ribs. "Even stupid Kageyama knows better than that!" 

"You hit me, dumbass!" Kageyama grabbed Hinata's hair and tugged while the middle blocker squealed in pain and beat him on the arm with a pork bun. 

"Do you know better?" Tsukishima asked with a raised eyebrow. "Do you really?" 

Hinata was as oblivious to his remark as ever, but Kageyama pulled back and gave him a fearsome glare. Tsukishima felt like laughing for the first time in days. At least he could always count on those two to be oblivious idiots, if nothing else. Suga made a concerned sound and put his pork bun down on the table delicately. 

"You may have to work on that, Tsukishima." 

"What?" 

"Maybe...tone down the remarks, just a little? Until you and Yamaguchi manage to make up, of course. Perhaps if he sees that you're making an effort to be kinder to others, he'll take your apology more seriously." 

"Good advice!" Akiteru hummed, leaning over and slapping Suga on the back. "That's the kind of quality I invited you over for!" 

"Why'd you invite the idiot duo, then?" Tsukishima muttered, before signing. Tone down the remarks, huh? He supposed he could try. 

"Hmm...we could clear the club room after afternoon practice tomorrow. You could apologize there!" Suga insisted. "Hinata and Kageyama can bring Yamaguchi in, and I'll make sure to usher the rest of the boys out. It's worth a shot, at least." 

"Yeah!" Hinata crowed. "Kageyama and I are good at bringing people places!" 

Tsukishima gulped.  
Tone down the remarks. Tone down the remarks. He could do that, right? Hopefully.   
~*~  
He couldn't do it. 

He hadn't truly realized what idiots his teammates were until suddenly he was faced with the prospect of being nice to them. Of all things, why must it be nice? Yamaguchi had always loved his cutting remarks. Why couldn't he make more cutting remarks?

"Today's practice will be in two halves!" Coach Ukai announced. "Drills," there was a loud wail of agony from Hinata, "and receives!" Hinata wailed again, louder, and Kageyama clapped a hand over his mouth. That struck Tsukishima as absurdly funny, what with Hinata's huge eyes somehow opening up even bigger and Kageyama's tired expression, as if he had accepted his bad luck as Hinata's babysitter for the rest of eternity. It got even better when Hinata licked his hand, and Kageyama pulled away with a noise of disgust. Tsukishima had to turn away from the team to snicker into his hands. 

When he looked up, he realized that Yamaguchi was laughing too. 

Well, of course he was! No matter what happened, Yamguchi was still Yamaguchi, and they had the same sense of humor. It steadied Tsukishima a bit, this feeling that things were finally getting back to normal. Until, of course, they made eye contact. Yamaguchi's look of glee faded into something like uncomfortable acceptance as he gave a curt nod to Tsukishima and turned away. 

He sighed. This practice, and everything that followed, was going to be awful.   
~*~

Running was awful, Yamaguchi decided, as he was running. 

Planks are awful, he realized, as he was in the middle of one. 

Push-ups. Those are great. 

Just kidding. They're awful. 

Today was just shaping up to be a truly awful day, it seemed. 

He was finding it harder and harder to avoid Tsukishima, much to his chagrin. The glasses were supposed to be a final something, an apology but not a forgiveness, some symbol that he hadn't quite figured out himself. 

He should've known that Tsukishima would see it as a challenge. That was just his nature, after all. Resistance was a sign of unease, and unease was a sign of weakness. Tsukishima may hate people who were too serious, but he hated shameless weakness as well. 

Maybe that was why he had always been so dismissive towards Yamaguchi. 

Well, no more. Yamaguchi was strong and he had friends besides Tsukishima. He was getting better at serving and feeling more confident than ever, even if he sometimes found himself feeling lost without Tsukishima to follow. 

He had to stay strong. He had to show Tsukishima that what he'd done wasn't okay, and never would be. If that cost them their friendship, so be it. Maybe it had always been toxic, and it had just taken him longer to see it. 

After they'd been properly exhausted, there was a short drink break. 

"I wanna hit!" Hinata complained, leaning all his body weight against Kageyama. "It's been forever since we've hit!" 

"It really hasn't," Tsukishima muttered. "Only about a day." 

Hinata turned to glare at him, and Tsukishima cleared his throat. Yamaguchi felt his eyebrow raise; that was new. 

"Of course," Tsukishima continued, and Yamaguchi couldn't even pretend he wasn't listening. "That's about twenty four hours, each sixty minutes. So it's been 1,440 minutes since you last hit. I suppose that could feel like a long time." 

Yamaguchi nearly choked on his water. Tsukishima had actually made an effort to make Hinata feel better? What parallel universe had he stumbled into?

Hinata seemed confused, but that could just be all the math. 

"Thanks, Tsukishima!" he said brightly. "I guess you CAN BE PRETTY NICE, AFTER ALL!" 

"Dumbass," Kageyama hissed, smacking the back of Hinata's head. "Why are you yelling?" 

Hinata winked at Kageyama, for some reason, and the setter's face seemed more understanding. Still angry, though. 

"You're so stupid," he muttered. "Come on, we need to go do receives." 

"But Kageyama, I hate receives!" 

"And I hate you, but I don't complain all the time." 

"Aww, Kageyama doesn't hate me!" Hinata smirked as he was dragged away, until only Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were left by the bench. 

Tsukishima seemed to notice Yamaguchi's stare, because he turned around to meet his eyes before quickly turning on his heel and marching away. 

Weird, Yamaguchi noted as he ran after the other first years. Definitely weird. 

Ukai set them up in a simple drill, with half of them on either side of the net. One half would serve, and the other would receive. As luck would have it, he put all the first years on the same team. 

Kageyama's serve was powerful and accurate, like always, and Hinata's barely made it over, like always. 

Yamaguchi gulped as he stepped up to the line. Ever since he'd managed to float serve, the pressure to continue was nerve wracking. It felt like everybody was expecting something when he stepped up to the plate. Of course, it didn't go over every time. When it didn't, Yamaguchi was left disappointed and embarrassed, even though his teammates assured him it was fine. 

He threw the ball in the air, and something to the left caught his eye. It was Tsukishima, watching. 

Too late, Yamaguchi realized he hadn't properly approached the jump, and was forced to give the ball a half-hearted swing. It hit the net, and he sighed. Letting himself get distracted, plus not being fast enough for a decent approach. It just wasn't his day. 

"Um...you'll get it next time," Tsukishima said awkwardly as Yamaguchi passed him to get to the back of the line. "Statistically speaking, of course. You've improved enough to have a 50-50 chance." 

Yamaguchi didn't respond. He didn't know what to say. 

When it was their turn to receive, he noticed that Hinata was being oddly...clingy, to Tsukishima. Hugging his arm and slapping him on the back, always ducking after each affectionate gesture, as if he was expecting to be reprimanded. 

Everyone else expected him to be reprimanded as well, but Tsukki just seemed indifferent. He didn't encourage it, but he didn't discourage it either. What was wrong with him today? 

Yamaguchi tried to ignore it. It wasn't his business anymore. 

He couldn't help asking Hinata, though. 

"Uh, Hinata? Sorry if this is a weird question, but why isn't Tsukishima...yelling at you? Or telling you to get off him?" 

Hinata's eyes widened comically as he shuffled from one foot to the other. 

"Well," he stuttered, "I guess he's just in a really good mood. He seems like a really great guy, sometimes...yeah. Not a bad person at all. Bye!" With that, Hinata sprinted away. Yamaguchi was honestly too confused to question it, after such a long day. 

His half lined up to serve again. 

Yamaguchi looked at the ball in his hand, feeling the weight of it. 

A 50-50 chance, huh? He could take those odds.   
~*~  
Practice was finally over. They'd gotten to work cleaning up the gym, everyone was chatting amiably, and Tsukishima was a nervous wreck. 

He'd been nice (well, nice-ish) to his teammates, didn't push Yamaguchi too hard, and now there was only one thing left. 

Apologize. He could do that. Right?

Honestly, he wasn't used to it. It was like that time Kageyama had to compliment him during practice, and couldn't get out the word "nice" without coughing.

He exchanged glances with Suga, who nodded his head towards the club room. Tsukishima walked into the empty room nervously, wiping his hands on his pants and putting his headphones around his neck. He turned to look out the window, trying to psych himself up, and was concentrating so hard that he almost didn't hear the door open.

"Couldn't you find your water bottles by yourself, guys? Why do you need me?"

"Oops, just remembered that Kageyama is actually a talking rock who doesn't have to drink water, better get going, BYE!" Hinata said cheerily, closing the door behind him and locking it, the clicking sound echoing through the room. 

Tsukishima turned around, fidgeting his hands around in his pockets. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted. 

"Are you kidding me?" Yamaguchi said, almost as if he was speaking to himself. He turned to the door and began to hit it, trying to unlock the doorknob, but nothing happened. He looked back at Tsukishima with a fearful expression, almost as if he expected to be hit. It hurt Tsukishima at his core, in some strange way, to see his best friend looking at him like that. 

"I don't want to do this anymore than you do-" he started, and Yamaguchi's eyes widened. 

"Then let's not," he said quickly, still struggling with the door. "I think we both made it clear that we don't want to talk to each other." 

"I just wanted to..." Tsukishima trailed off, unsure of how to phrase his next few words. 

"To what?" 

"A-apologize," he muttered, and Yamaguchi squinted suspiciously. 

"What did you say?" 

"You heard me," he said, irritated. 

"No, I didn't." 

"Why do I have to repeat myself?" 

"Because I didn't hear you, Tsukki! And-"

"I wanted to apologize!" He stated loudly, clenching his fists. 

"O-oh." Yamaguchi said, lowering his hands from the knob and putting them behind his back.

Tsukishima could feel his face screwing up in annoyance as he glanced to the side. He could feel heat racing up the back of his neck, and hated how painfully obvious it must be.

"Some things I said, they were...out of line." 

"Yes, they were," Yamaguchi agreed, and Tsukishima sneered off to the side. He definitely wasn't going to make this easy, that much was clear. But maybe Tsukishima just didn't deserve easy, after everything. 

"They weren't just out of line, they were also wrong. I didn't mean anything I said. I just wanted you to know that." 

God, was he always this painfully awkward? Tsukishima was so used to being quick and cutting, resorting everyone in a near vicinity to stutters. It was a terrible thing to be on the other end, for once. 

"Then why did you say them?" Yamaguchi asked, fists clenched and a look in his eyes, like he was about to attempt a difficult serve. 

He gulped, and licked his lips as he tried to contemplate the correct thing to say.

"Subconscious psychology," ended up falling out of his mouth. "A study on insecurity." 

Yamaguchi blinked. 

"I don't exactly get what that means...but I accept your apology. I guess." 

It was better than Tsukishima could have hoped for. 

"Let's go, then," he said almost cheerily, shouldering his bag and removing a key from his pocket. 

"What? No."

"But you said my apology was accepted." 

"Well, I did- but no! Just because I accept your apology doesn't mean that I'll go back to being your pathetic dog." 

Tsukishima was stunned, and to cover it he scoffed, "You're not a dog, Yamaguchi. You're a person." 

"I know that! You get what I mean!" 

"You're not being clear," Tsukishima grumbled. "Are we back to being confidants or not?" 

Yamaguchi visibly hesitated, and Tsukishima decided to reword that statement. 

"What I meant," he corrected, "is that...I...am bored. Without you. If you wanted to go back to being close, I wouldn't argue. I wouldn't argue at all." 

"I miss you too, Tsukki," Yamaguchi confessed, and Tsukishima felt a rare burst of affection inside. He would never admit it, but that nickname has never particularly bothered him. "But just because you apologized doesn't mean things will go back to the way they were." 

"Why not?" He asked irritability, and Yamaguchi bristled. 

"First of all, I won't go back to doing whatever you say. And...and I want an opinion, too! I want you to ask me questions and actually listen to my answer. And please stop putting me down, sometimes! I'm fine with you telling me to shut up and stuff, once in a while, but sometimes you go way too far! Until you can promise me that you'll try to do all that, things can't go back go normal. And one more thing." 

"There's more?" Tsukishima muttered. 

"You can't bring up...that thing. Anymore." 

"What thing?" 

"The thing that you said!" 

"I say a lot of things, Yamaguchi." 

"I know that! God, I know that! No, I mean the BIG thing. The one that made me...you know. Hit you." 

"Oh." It hit Tsukishima, suddenly. The personal attacks on Yamaguchi's appearance and personality needed to decrease, but the real problem was the elephant in the room. The thing that he had completely and irreversibly screwed up on. "Don't worry about it. I doubt that anyone on this entire team is fully attracted to girls, anyway." 

Yamaguchi gulped. "Uh, okay! So, I'll see you tomorrow?" 

Tsukishima stuck the key in the door and turned it roughly, mustering up the courage to say what he really wanted. 

"Come over to my house this Saturday," he offered without looking at Yamaguchi. "We can really talk then. I- I want to hear your opinions. Tadashi." 

With that, he fled.   
________________________________  
"Yachi, I don't know what to do- he's probably just going to realize that I'm not worth all the trouble I'm putting him through. I want to be friends with him again. Right? Right! What if I was too strict? What if he takes it all back? Yachi, what then?" 

"First of all, Tadashi, please calm down." 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath that he hoped was obvious over the phone. Calling Yachi had seemed like a good idea at first, but combining their two anxious habits probably wasn't the best thing to do. 

"It's good that you stood up for yourself. Really. I-I'm proud of you. Was that too forward? I apologize for my forwardness, I was just excited-" 

"It's ah, fine. Really. Thanks." 

"Oh! Good!" 

"I'm almost to his house," Yamaguchi informed her. They didn't live very far away from each other, after all. There was a light drizzle in the air, though, and it was enough to make him sniffle. Allergy season sucked. 

"Okay! Good luck, Tadashi! Just remember to be firm!" 

Yamaguchi sighed as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. Yachi calling him by his given name just didn't send the same thrill through him as when Tsukki did it. It wasn't a good sign. 

He was supposed to be getting over this. Not falling even deeper. 

Yamaguchi nervously stood on his tiptoes and rang the doorbell. It took about twenty seconds for the front door to be opened, but something was...off. 

There hadn't been any footsteps leading from inside the house. There were always footsteps; whether they wanted to admit it or not, the Tsukishima family had very heavy footfalls. 

Had Tsukki been waiting by the door, but refusing to answer it so he didn't look eager? The thought made Yamaguchi smile as he walked in, kicking off his shoes and calling out an apology for the intrusion. 

"My parents aren't home," Tsukishima said dryly. 

"Oh. Okay."

They stood there awkwardly for a few minutes until Tsukishima tilted his head towards the stairs; a clear invitation to follow him up to his room. 

"So, ah...what do you want to do?" Yamaguchi sniffed as he entered Tsukki's room, rubbing his nose and hoping that his friend didn't comment on it. He didn't, but Yamaguchi could see him staring out of the corner of his eye. Yamaguchi laid out on his stomach on Tsukishima's bed, as his friend sat on the floor at the foot of it. 

"Movie?" Tsukki offered, pulling out his laptop, and Yamaguchi nodded shakily. Honestly, he shouldn't have spent so much time out in the rain trying to get the nerve to walk to Tsukishima's house. That, combined with his lack of sleep, made him feel pretty sickly. 

Tsukki had offered, though. He was trying, and that made Yamaguchi feel absurdly pleased. 

He had also called him Tadashi, which Yamaguchi couldn't get out of his head no matter how hard he tried.

"Let's watch this one," he said nervously, pointing at the first title that popped up. Tsukishima squinted at him. 

"That's a horror movie." 

"Oh! Sorry, we don't have to watch that-" 

"No, it's fine. If you want to watch it we can." 

Yamaguchi actually didn't care what they watched, but he wasn't about to argue when Tsukishima was going to such lengths to try and apologize. It was sweet, even if Yamaguchi wasn't quite sure what to do yet 

They settled side by side on his bed, with the lights out as the movie started. Yamaguchi's head felt like it was swimming, and one minute he was cold and the next he was burning hot. 

"You're shivering," Tsukishima said bluntly.

"Oh, sorry. I think I caught a cold, or something. I should probably go-" 

"No!" Tsukishima said harshly. "I mean...I have medicine here. You can sleep in my bed." 

"I couldn't do that," Yamaguchi nervously uttered. 

"You can't walk home in the cold, either." 

"I-" 

" _Tadashi_. Just sit here, alright? I'll go get some cold medicine." 

"Okay, Tsukki." Yamaguchi sniffed as his friend left the room, and settled into the comfortable sheets. They smelled like Tsukishima, and before he could stop himself he inhaled deeply and burrowed under the covers. Maybe a tiny nap wouldn't hurt...

He stiffened when Tsukishima walked back in, but he didn't open his eyes. 

"Honestly," Tsukishima whispered quietly. "I'm gone for five seconds, and he falls asleep." 

Yamaguchi is about to open his mouth and apologize, or shift over to make room, when he feels a soft hand carding through his hair and can't stop himself from relaxing. He feels Tsukishima settle next to him, pulling Yamaguchi's head into his lap, and everything in him short circuits. 

The movie resumes, and Yamaguchi is close to actually dozing off as Tsukishima soothingly plays with his hair when he feels it. 

Tsukishima kissed his forehead. 

He can feel his friend lean in to do it a second time, and before Yamaguchi can think, he does something very impulsive and _very_ stupid. 

He tilts his head up and opens his eyes, grabbing the back of Tsukishima's neck and swallowing his surprised gasp. 

And then they're kissing, and it's like nothing he's ever felt before.


End file.
